My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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