I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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