he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize