i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize