Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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I don't deserve a penis
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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