Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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