I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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