I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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