A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize