Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize