I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's official drugs can't kill me
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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