If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh god it's open bar.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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