I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
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Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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