Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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