so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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