If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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