Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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