Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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