new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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