i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize