brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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