i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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