party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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