Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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