he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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