In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize