Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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