Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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