his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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