i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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