I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I want to fling myself into the sun
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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