In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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