I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i think my cat just said my name.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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