We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's official drugs can't kill me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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