Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm having to shit out rocks
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize