I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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