We're like a lot better than the average bears
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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