Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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