I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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