Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize