and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize