Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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