ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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