only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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