the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize