I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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