So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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