The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh god it's open bar.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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