True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize