im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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